Rainey Park, NYC

Truly one fine day..

The weather has much improved nowadays. Spring is finally here, yaaay...

And the clear blue sky that I love so much will certainly be easy to find.

Rainey Park, NYC

Join us on Skywatch Friday and embrace various skies from different  corner of the world..

Chemotherapy and I...

February 12, 2015 was my last chemo...

Yaaaaay....

That was more than a month a go :)

What a journey!

Sebenernya udah lamaaa banget draft ini saya susun, sejak kemo masih awal dijalani. Tapi entah kenapa, baru selesai sekarang :). Well, lebih baik terlambat daripada tidak dishare sama sekali kaaaan...

After 4 rounds of AC and 12 rounds of Herceptin and Taxol, I can finally close one chapter of my #roadmaptowellness :). Many more to come but at least the hardest parts were done. Done...

Alhamdulillaaaaah...

Ngga kerasa lumayan lama juga saya menjalani pengobatan kemoterapi. 
Sejak pertama kali dimulai bulan Oktober 2014, 2 bulan setelah saya menjalani mastektomi, rasanya waktu berjalan cepat. 
Yah, cepat dalam arti satu demi satu prosedur pengobatan yang harus saya jalani selesai sesuai jadwal. Tidak ada yang mundur dari jadwal yang disusun sejak awal bersama onkologist saya :).
Benar-benar anugerah luar biasa dari Yang Kuasa.

Kemoterapi. ..

Apa yang ada di benar teman-teman saat mendengar kata ini?

Rambut rontok, kepala botak, badan tidak enak? 
Well, suka tidak suka, semuanya benar adanya...Paling tidak, inilah yang harus saya jalani selama 5 bulan terakhir...

Cheers....

Buat kami yang dideteksi terkena kanker, bisa jadi kemoterapi  adalah 'paket hemat' yang harus dijalani bersama dengan prosedur lainnya. Yah, walaupun tidak bisa dibilang hemat juga ya. Karena dari pengalaman tante saya, yang baru-baru ini terdeteksi kanker payudara juga, pengobatan kemoterapi di Indonesia sangat mahal :(. Saya beruntung karena masa pengobatan saya jalani di AS dan hampir semuanya ditanggung oleh asuransi, walaupun masih ada out-of-pocket expenses yang harus saya bayar dan jumlahnya tidak sedikit.

What is chemotherapy? 

Taken from my pocketbook provided by the NYU Clinical  Cancer Center, chemotherapy  is "a type of cancer treatment that uses drugs to destroy cancer cells." Drugs that will somehow stop or slow the growth of cancer cells.  The problem is it's not only destroying the cancer cells, but also some healthy cells. You know, cancer cells divide and grow very quickly and that's what the drugs are targeting. But, some healthy cells divide and grow quickly as well, so the drugs will hit them, too. At this point, the chemo drugs still can not distinguish them, because they only notice it from the speed of their growth. Well, that's why chemo has side effects and some of them are quite damaging.

Hal ini yang membuat kemo sangat terasa karena memang pada prinsipnya kemo adalah obat yang bersifat 'racun yang digunakan untuk membunuh sel-sel kanker. Salah satu ciri-ciri sel kanker adalah perkembangannya yang cepat. Sel kanker memang membelah diri dengan cepat dan obat kemo menargetkan sel-sel yang berkembang dengan cepat untuk dibasmi. Sayangnya, sel sehat pun ada yang berkembang dengan cepat dan biasanya ada di sistem tubuh yang selalu sibuk dan tumbuh, seperti misalnya rambut, kuku, dan sistem pencernaan. Itu sebabnya kemonya biasanya selalu membuat mereka yang menjalaninya mual, muntah, kehilangan rambut dan mengalami perubahan warna kuku.  

The notorius AC...

I still remember my first round of chemo.
It was the AC one. Or commonly known as Adryamicyn  and Cyroxan.
The notorious AC :(.

It was October 9th, 2014. 

Sitting nervously in my oncologist ' s room, I was once again prepared for my first chemo. I was also briefed, one more time, about the possible side effects and complications.

Before that, and before every chemo I have to go through, I need to have my blood checked to make sure I'm healthy enough. They're looking at my blood count, hemoglobin and some other indicators from my blood. Once everything is satisfactory,  I can proceed with my chemo.

Then I was bravely walk up to the next floor. The Infusion room.

This is where the chemo starts.

my infusion room at NYU Clinical Cancer Center

I'm lucky to be handled by Nina Bells, one of a senior registered nurse who is so kind and gentle. She got my vein, chatted with me so I could relaxed and also  explained  what I was going to go through. It started with pre medication, including ones that will help me with horrible nausea and vomiting as well as other possible allergies. Then she injected that notorius AC, slowly to my vein. She needed to make sure that my body could handle it. Then the rest of my first chemo went  smoothly. 

My dearest Nina...

Until I arrived at home. 
I had been warned that I would feel nausea, vomit, lack of energy, and many more uncomfortable feelings. and they hit me. 
Hard.

I still can't describe exactly the feeling I have after I had my chemo. It was like a mixture of discomfort when you have horrible morning sickness, feverish body, and total loss of energy. No wonder I spent 3 days just sleeping, (trying to) drink enough water, taking my medicine and sleeping again.

Rasanya seperti campuran mual ngg enak karena hamil muda, badan meriang karena tifus dan lemes ngga karuan ngga ada tenaga. Itulah rasanya kemo buat saya. Sepintas memang seperti tidak ada yang salah, tapi badan benar-benar ngga enak rasanya. Makanya selesai kemo, paling tidak saya butuh 3 hari istirahat total...hanya tidur, minum obat, minum air putih dan juice sambil mencoba makan apapun yang masuk (biasanya keluar lagi :( ) dan tidur lagi.

one of my pills...helping me with the nausea...

Although I was given the premedication and some extra medication to fight all these. And they are darn expensive. Again..I was lucky I had my insurance covering them. But USD 80 per pill for anti-nausea is indeed expensive. 

Rasanya tambah seperti kena tonjok ketika tahu harga-harga obat-obatan yang dipakai untuk melawan dampak kemoterapi ini. Salah satu obat anti mual saya kalau dihitung harganya sebutir kira-kira USD 80 ...dikalikan Rp13.000,00 udah berapa tuh. Untungnya, sekali lagi alhamdulillah, sebagian besar obat-obatan ini dicover oleh asuransi saya di sini. Saya hanya perlu membayar co-pay USD 60 untuk 4 box yang berisi 8 butir obat mujarab ini. Bener-bener rezeki dari Allah SWT :)

So, that's my first round of chemo with AC. 
I was scheduled to have 4 rounds of it and believe me, time flew so very slow at that time. I was trying to get back as normal as I can after the 4th day, going back to work, taking the subway....But I know exactly, I have to go easy on almost everything. 

Luckily, my bosses and the office are fully supportive. Although it was in the middle of crazy session of the the UN GA Third Committee, but I took things at my own pace and tried my best to manage all those stressful works and meetings amidst my chemo schedules. I also tried to stay healthy as I had to be fit enough to continue my treatment. If I had flu or infection or fever for example, I have to wait until my body is strong enough to receive another round of toxic that kills my cancer cells. That's why they had to check my blood cell counts before my chemo.


Alhamdulillah lagi, atasan saya dan teman-teman di kantor pun mendukung. Terus terang, saya sempat kepikiran bagaimana dengan tanggung jawab yang saya miliki di kantor selama masa pengobatan. Untungnya, setelah 3 - 4 hari istirahat pasca kemo, saya bisa kembali ke kantor meskipun agak keleyengan. Pelan-pelan saya menyesuaikan kondisi badan dengan beban pekerjaan yang ada. Di tengah masa sidang Komite 3 Majelis Umum PBB yang menggila, saya tetap berusaha memenuhi tanggung jawab saya walaupun harus berbagi dengan teman lainnya yang pekerjaannya juga sudah banyak. Rasanya tidak enak, tapi saya sadar memang saya belum sanggup untuk bekerja full seperti biasa, walaupun semangat tetap membara. Banyak yang terlewat, tapi sebisa mungkin saya penuhi. Again, not that easy, tapi Allah SWT memang adil dan saya diberi kekuatan ekstra untuk menjalani ini semua.



Well, yang pasti, saya harus extra jaga kesehatan karena selama kemo saya tidak boleh sakit. Dengan terpaan racun di tubuh, mau tidak mau tubuh pun mengalami penurunan daya tahan yang signifikan. Jadi, batuk dan pilek yang mungkin sepele bagi orang sehat, bisa menjadi masalah besar untuk saya yang tengah menjalani kemo. Karena itu, setiap menjelang kemo, saya harus melakukan tes darah untuk memastikan sel-sel di tubuh saya cukup untuk menerima pengobatan berikutnya. Untung, sekali lagi, saya bisa tetap sehat dan menjalani pengobatan sesuai jadwal.

Selesai dengan AC, saya juga menjalani 12 rounds of Taxol and Herceptin. Compared to AC, this is really a walk in the park. 

Well, no more nausea and vomiting, just a bit of fatigue, that I got so used to now, and tingling sensation at the tip of fingers and toes. If AC was given every 2 weeks, Taxol and Herceptin were given every week. After a while, everything feels like a routine and everyone in the clinic feels like family to me. I managed to come back to the office after just a day off. And my weekly trip to the clinic was much more colorful as well :)


What's annoying from Taxol and herceptin is the worsening tingling sensation on my toes and fingers. Rasanya seperti kesemutan, tapi permanen. Mengganggu banget kaaaan hehehe. Dan walaupun kemonya sudah lewat lebih dari 1 bulan, tapi masih kerasa dampaknya sampai sekarang :(.

My (not-so-new) hairstyle...

But the impacts of chemo are truly enormous. 
Dampak dari kemoterapi memang banyak. 
You wanna know some of them? At least, there are some that I myself have experienced during my treatment... 

I'll put them in my next posting, okay..this one is a bit too long already :)


Well, again...it's not an easy process, rather a long and winding road for me and my family...but stay positive and always feel grateful will help you get through it. 
As simple as that...
Because of course, I have to say it's a painful process and there's nothing I can do about it. Feeling those IV needles getting in to your skin on such a frequent time, managing nausea and other discomfort, coming to the the clinic every week, taking pills and more ...
Like it or not, as I wanted so bad to get rid of all these cancer cells, I have to go through these procedures and learn to dance with the storm :).

Aaah.. Alhamdulillah, sebagian besar dari prosedur ini sudah selesai dan sekarang, mari kita lanjutkan dengan tahap berikutnya :)...

Semangaaaaat...

References:

For Women Facing Breast Cancer, American Cancer Society, 2009
NYU Hospital Center on Chemotherapy, 2014 Chemotheraphy and You, National Cancer Institute, 2011

WW: Lawang Sewu, Semarang

Lawang sewu

Literally means a thousand doors, in Javanese.

A historical landmark in Semarang, Central Java, Indonesia

Lawang sewu

the attic...

some of the doors..

Join us on Wordless Wednesday and have a great bloghopping experience :)

Borobudur ... in a glimpse

Borobudur

 Undoubtedly, Borobudur Temple has long been known for being the largest Buddhist temple.

Fo us, Indonesians, Borobudur will always be one of our world's wonder :).

The first time we set our eyes on this agelessly charming complex of ancient Buddhist temple was from a far. 

the sun was coming...

From the top of Punthuk Setumbu, overlooking Mount Merapi and the majestic temple from above was truly an experience. Our journey started at 3 am in the morning, involving persuading my Bo et Obi to get ready and continue their sleep in the car and climbing up - or rather tracking, the hill in the dark hours of the morning. But again, it all worth the efforts.

Who won't be awed by this amazing scenery...

Amidst the constant clicks and the overflowing hum of shutter release, probably from hundreds of us, - the photographers and the sunrise lovers, like me, - I was hopelessly trying to capture the beauty of it. 

my hubby and I...

I miserably failed, as what we saw that morning was indeed amazing and beyond words...

So, now ...back to Borobudur..

Borobudur from a far..

I remember reading Lalita, one of Ayu Utami's masterpieces, displaying more interesting facts - if not intriguing, about Borobudur. 

How we tend to forget how majestic this temple is...

The philosophy behind those meticulously carved reliefs filled with thousands of messages are overwhelming...

How to get closer to our Creator...

How to achieve Aruphadathu, the world of formlessness, leaving behind kamadhatu, our desires, and rupadhatu, our urge for the world of forms...

How to peacefully become one of the dwellers of Nirvana...

With more than 2000 relief panels and hundreds of Buddha statues, Borobudur Temple will certainly invite everyone's amazement, just like us...

Borobudur during Vesak Day..

We went there during the Vesak Day. 
The celebration of the teaching and inspiring life of Buddha.

I know, not really the best option time unless you are okay with thousand of people flocking around to celebrate or watch the celebration itself. 

But we were more than happy to join this festivity and continue to be wawed by the greatness of this temple.

Too bad I didn't manage to get more details of Borobudur...as I have Bo et Obi come with me and climb those many stairs to get closer to the top. Not an easy job to make sure the kids were on the safe sides while you were taking pictures here and there...
So, although I only got Borobudur in a glimpse, but I let my mind and soul grasp those ancient wonders and immortalize them in my head.

No, we didn't make it to the top but we do have breathtaking view :)

As this complex was built in the 9th century, I can't stop thinking how they could actually create this incredible architecture.

the magnificent statues..

As for the kids, they surely enjoy it...

peek a boo..

So I guess, we definitely have to go back to Borobudur again. 

As Borobudur in a glimpse is definitely not enough

Tegal Island, Lampung ...My kinda blue :)

"When I'm feeling blue...
All I have to do...
Is take a look at you...
Then I'm no so blue..."

(Phil Collins, 1988)

Again, I miss my home :)

Surprise, surprise...

I started feeling that I keep missing my home particularly when weekend is coming.

welcome aboard ..at Tegal Island, Lampung

 Imagining myself relaxing on those beaches...

Under the clear blue sky..

And turquoise blue water...

Pasir Gosong.....On the way to Tegal island, Lampung, Indonesia

Tegal island..

My kinda blue :)

Read more on Tegal island and its beauty here and here

Come to Lampung, Indonesia, my home town :)

Join us on Skywatch Friday

WW: Batur Mountain and Lake, Bali

Colorful pages from our holiday..
A year ago :)
Batur Mountain and Lake, Bali, Indonesia...

Batur Mountain and Lake

the four of us, a year ago :)

Join us on Wordless Wednesday and have a wonderful bloghopping experience :)

Forever Friends

Teman,

Tahukah engkau bahwa salah satu harta berharga yang bisa kita nikmati di dunia adalah pertemanan?

Dan ternyata, tidak mudah memiliki atau menjadi teman yang baik.
Apalagi teman sejati.

Teman teman  yang rela menuangkan perhatian dan cintanya untuk hal-hal remeh yang kita lalui setiap hari.
Teman - teman yang terkadang jauh lebih jujur kepada kita daripada diri kita sendiri.
Teman - teman yang langsung meniupkan doa ke surga saat kita meminta doa tulusnya.
Teman - teman yang ikut menitikkan air mata bahagia saat Yang Kuasa memberikan nikmat-Nya.
Teman - teman yang mendukung segala jerih payah dan upaya kita. 
Teman - teman yang menghibur dengan segala cara saat hati berduka.
Teman - teman yang berbagi cerita dari urusan paling tidak penting sampai urusan hati
Teman - teman yang cerianya selalu menghangatkan jiwa.
Teman - teman yang membuat kita sadar bahwa hidup terlalu berharga untuk dilewatkan sendiri.
Someone with whom you talk with each other, not about each other.
Someone I can be crazy with :) 

Saya sendiri mungkin masih terus berjuang menjadi seorang teman yang baik.
Bukan rahasia kalau banyak dari kita yang berteman dengan metode matematika.
Penuh tukar tambah, kurang bagi.
Apa yang bisa saya dapatkan ketika saya berteman dengan dia.
Apa untungnya buat saya berteman dengan dia.
Mungkin juga saya, disadari atau tidak.

But I always remember one thing..
You can never find a great friend unless you start being one first..

Jika kita tidak berusaha menjadi teman yang baik, kita pun tidak akan mendapat teman yang baik.

picture is taken from here

Dan sadarkah teman bahwa teman tidak selalu berarti mereka yang  ada di depan mata dan secara fisik selalu bersama?

Teman di dunia maya pun sudah menjadi teman dalam arti sesungguhnya.
Teman berbagi suka dan duka.
Meskipun belum pernah bertemu muka.
Dan satu ada di ujung dunia, di barat di timur, selatan utara, dan di seberang samudera.

Ibarat keluarga jauh yang selalu dekat di hati.
Seperti sisterhood of traveling toes karena jempol dan jari yang kerap menghubungkan pesan-pesan kami lewat whatsapp, line or aplikasi canggih yang ada.
Layaknya sahabat, tukar cerita dan tukar kado adalah bumbu penyedap untuk memulai hari.
Bagaikan nasi goreng dan sambal yang saling melengkapi dan membuat semuanya jadi lebih nikmat :)

picture is taken from here

Ah, teman..
Hidup memang jadi tidak berwarna tanpa kalian...
Doa tulusku agar pertemanan kita terus berlanjut sampai kapan pun :).

Penuh cinta dari NYC untuk satu pojok hangat di Purwokerto :)

Teluk Lampung...

Stay...

And the day would keep its trust...

Stay...

And the night would be enough...


(U2, Stay, 1993)

Teluk Lampung, Indonesia
All photos were taken by iPhone 5

Anugerah Terindah

Selfie? 

Saya suka banget...
Sering malah....
Geser sedikit selfie, ketemu temen selfie, datang ke tempat baru selfie. 
Bahkan setiap pagi, ketika kesehatan dan cuaca memungkinkan, saya selalu selfie dengan abang Bo saat mengantarkannya ke sekolah. 
Buat saya, selfie, wefie, dan apapun itu namanya, adalah satu bentuk ekspresi diri yang paling fun. Walaupun seringkali lebay karena sedikit-sedikit selfie, tapi ada kebahagiaan sendiri yang dirasakan ketika melihat hasilnya :).

Dan salah satu selfie terakhir yang saya ambil mengingatkan saya akan anugerah terindah yang diberikan Allah SWT kepada saya. Tuhan Yang Maha Baik memberikan saya cinta tak terbatas dari seorang suami yang setia dan sabar. Unconditional love dari sosok sederhana yang menemani saya sejak awal menapaki kehidupan dengan lebih 'serius'. Ayah dari anak-anakku :).

Foto selfie ini diambil beberapa menit sebelum saya diusher atau diantar ke ruang operasi.
Beberapa saat sebelum saya kembali merasakan dinginnya meja operasi dan menikmati 'happy juice' yang langsung membuatku kehilangan kesadaran and not knowing what happen in the next three hours. 
Foto diambil di ruang pre-op yang berukuran 2 x 2 meter dengan dinding polos, tempat saya berganti baju dan bersiap-siap. Nothing fancy here, kecuali doa dan harapan buat saya, dan juga keluarga, menjalani rangkaian pengobatan ini.

with my love...

Rangkaian prosedur yang harus saya jalani sejak terdeteksi mengidap kanker payudara bulan Juli 2014 memang banyak. Mulai dari masektomi (yang diawali dengan mamogram, USG, dan biopsi serte pre-op procedures lainnya seperti MRI, PET CT, dan CT-Scan), 16 rounds of chemotherapy, dan breast reconstruction, hingga nanti radiasi dan pengobatan hormon. 

Operasi terakhir yang saya jalani adalah rekonstruksi payudara, untuk memperbaiki sisa masektomi di mana semua jaringan payudara hingga ke tulang dada diangkat. Hehehehe...ngebayanginnya aja udah ngilu ya, apalagi menjalaninya. Meskipun prosedur yang saya jalani ini jauh lebih sederhana dibandingkan mastektomi sebelumnya, tapi tetap saja saya ndredeg menjalaninya, because anything can happen. Dan ketika saya sudah ikhlas, tetap saja terbersit rasa takut jika saya tidak bangun pasca operasi. Tidak lagi bertemu orang-orang tercinta saya :(. 

Cengeng? mungkin..
Lebay? bisa jadi...
But that's exactly how I felt at that time..
Ya Allah, maafkan hamba-Mu yang lemah ini...

Tapi alhamdulillah, saya selalu diberi suntikan semangat dari banyak pihak, terutama keluarga, teman dan rekan kerja. 
Terutamanya lagi orang-orang tercinta saya. 
Dan my munchkin, panggilan sayang buat Udi, selalu ada di sisi, bersama Bo et Obi yang kerap melihat saya dengan khawatir dan bertanya "are you okay, mommy?". 

Siang itu, sebelum berjalan menuju OR, my munchkin hanya memeluk dan mencium dahi saya, seraya bilang "Jangan lupa berdoa...nanti kita ketemu lagi setelah selesai operasi." 
That's it...
As simple as that...

Tapi saya tahu, di sana terselip ribuan doa, permohonan, dan keikhlasan atas skenario indah-Nya untuk saya dan harapan agar saya terus berjuang untuk sehat. Dan saat mata ini berat membuka sambil sayup-sayup mendengar suara hiruk pikuk recovery room usai operasi, kecupan lembutnya yang membuat saya sadar dan mengucap syukur alhamdulillah karena sudah diberi kekuatan menjalani prosedur kali ini. Dan masih diberi rezeki menikmati sisa hidup dengan orang-orang tercinta.

Lomba Selfie story bersama Smartfren dan blog Emak Gaoel kali ini sukses membuat saya tergugu. Karena selfie saya kali ini bukan sekedar selfie versi cengar-cengir dan hura-hura seperti selfi saya yang lain.

Tapi selfie yang mengajarkan besarnya cinta Yang Kuasa bagi umat-Nya.
Cinta bersahaja dari seorang suami yang menjadi sumber energi luar biasa untuk terus berjuang.

Terima kasih, Ya Rabb..
Untuk anugerah terindah yang Engkau percayakan padaku.

For my one and only munchkin..

Stay...

and the night would be enough...

New York, March, 2014

The first day of spring...

Officially, we are in spring now...
Yaaaay...

The blooming season with colorful patches of flowers and greeny lines of trees.

But apparently, winter still loves New York City that much and decides to linger a little while. On the first official day of summer, we have snow coming for most of the day...

It all started with cold morning, followed by shower of snow until late afternoon...

Then after the surgery two days ago, I went back to the office.  

I managed to walk to the UN to meet some delegations. 

Here, the weather looked bleak already..

not yet blooming...

the snow was coming already...

The meeting was short and I decided to go home early as the snow got heavier and heavier...
Commuting under the heavy snow and slippery roads is quite troublesome...let alone my slow reflex and careful moves after the surgery. But it was managable..

cold day it was..

from Queensboro Plaza train station...

Hoyts Playground, near our house...

Snow is still here and there...
Indeed the first day of spring :)

Well, hope it all melts soon and the real spring is soon coming..

How's spring in your home?

Randal Island in a glimpse...

A quick stop at Randall Island, Manhattan on one lovely afternoon...

Just before the weather got colder and windier again here. 
And it's almost the end of March :)

Join us on Skywatch Friday and enjoy the beautiful sky from every corner of the world:)